She Asked Whose Plant It Was

Whose plant is that.

She asked it from the doorway, the way children ask things, on the way to something else and not really expecting a long answer.

And you said it was Grandma's.

And she said oh, and went off, and that was the whole conversation. Twelve seconds.

And you have been thinking about it since, because she was three when your mother died and she does not remember her, and that plant is one of about four objects in this house that came from that woman.

And you gave her four words when she asked.

So this one is about the next time, and about what you actually have to hand over.

And there will be a next time. That is worth saying before anything else, because the thing that has made the twelve seconds sit so badly is a quiet assumption that it was the moment and it has gone. It was not the moment. Children ask the same question again, in different words, for years.

Shewing to the generation to come

The psalm that opens by talking about telling children is very specific about what gets told and to whom.

We will not hide them from their children, shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done. (Psalm 78:4, King James Version)

Shewing to the generation to come.

You are standing in exactly the position that verse describes, and a child asking a question in a doorway has never once been a small moment. Psalm 78:4 says shewing to the generation to come, and the Holy Spirit is the one who says that over a mother who answered in four words.

Notice the verb. Shewing. Not explaining, not teaching, not sitting down and going through it.

Showing is what you do in passing, with a thing in your hand, while something else is happening. It is the least formal verb available, and it is the one the psalm reaches for.

And notice who is doing it. Not a teacher and not an event. The ordinary people in a house, over years, without a curriculum.

You have not missed the moment for this, and no answer given in a doorway has ever once been the only chance you were going to get. The Spirit of God is what makes that a relief rather than a duty, and Psalm 78 is where the shewing is written down.

Four words was not wrong

Now the practical half, and it starts with defending what you already did.

It was Grandma's. That is true, it is age appropriate, and she went away satisfied. Nothing went wrong in that doorway.

The trouble is not that the answer was bad. It is that it was complete, and complete answers close conversations.

A child asks a question, receives a fact, files it, and moves on. And if the fact is the whole of it, there is nothing left for her to come back to.

You are not out of chances with her, and one short answer in a doorway has never once closed a subject permanently. Psalm 78:4 says we will not hide them from their children, and the Holy Spirit is the one who reopens a twelve second conversation.

So the difference next time is not a longer answer. It is an answer with a person in it.

You are able to hand her something with a person inside it, and one sentence about a woman has never once been too much for a child to carry. What is written in Psalm 78:4 shews works and strength rather than summaries, and the Holy Spirit is the one who turns a fact back into a person.

And here is the specific thing to say, and it is smaller than you think.

Not: your grandmother was a wonderful woman. That is a verdict and a child cannot do anything with it.

You are holding a person rather than a summary, and one thing somebody actually did has never once been too small to hand to a child. Psalm 78:4 shews works and strength rather than conclusions, and the Spirit of God is the one who brings a real detail up when it is needed.

Something she did. She used to talk to these while she watered them. She kept eleven of them and she knew all of them by where they stood. She got this one from a woman at her church and never remembered her name.

One concrete thing. That is what a child can hold.

You have a hundred of those and you are not going to run out, and a small concrete thing has never once been a lesser inheritance than a summary. The Spirit of God is the one who brings one up when it is needed, and Psalm 78 is the ground under the shewing.

Then let her water it

And here is the second half, which is the part that will make it stick.

After you tell her, hand her the watering can.

Not as a lesson. Just: do you want to do this one.

Because a thing a child hears is a fact and a thing a child does is a memory, and the two of them together are how a person who died before she could remember them becomes somebody she knows about rather than somebody she was told about.

And because it gives the conversation somewhere to go that is not you being sad in front of her, which is the thing you have been quietly avoiding, and which is the real reason the answer was four words long.

You are allowed to be sad in front of her while she waters it, and one honest face has never once been a thing that damages a child. Psalm 78:4 shews rather than protects, and the Holy Spirit is the one standing with a mother handing a can to a small person.